What does procrastination have to do with imposter syndrome?
I am a huge fan of to-do lists. I am not great with agendas or planners. I prefer to have just a plain to-do list every day. Sometimes two or three a day. Because I hate my handwriting and it gets all sloppy, so I redo it. The to-do list makes me feel so sane.
But on every to-do list, I have at least one item that I am heavily avoiding. This item is usually rewritten in my to-do list day after day. Sometimes for weeks. I don’t have an excuse; I just don’t want to do it. Usually, it’s a call to a big institution like my bank or the doctor’s office that overcharged me. Or an errand that I don’t want to run because it’s located in a part of town that is annoying to get to. It’s a specific type of procrastination.
The last three weeks, I’ve been procrastinating going to the bank to set up the business checking account for Tall Hair Creative. The thought of it sounded daunting, annoying, and awkward. But as the weeks continued and I had to rewrite, “go to the bank”, over and over again, I realized exactly why I was procrastinating this specific errand.
Thinking about showing up to a bank and asking for a business account made me feel embarrassed like I didn’t deserve it. I was so nervous to go into a bank and ask them to open a business checking account.
But I really needed to open a business checking account, so I could really get this business going. So today, I did it. Last night, I mentally prepared myself – I chose a bank, looked up the address, printed off all the documents. On the way there, I bought an expensive latte, my go-to treat for dealing with stuff I don’t want to deal with. And I walked into the bank.
The experience couldn’t have been easier or the people lovelier. Thirty, painless, minutes later, I was the owner of a business checking account and I went straight to work opening the e-commerce shop of my website. I couldn’t believe I was delaying it this long.
I thought for a long time why I didn’t think I deserved a business account or belonged in the bank. Here is why: I had imposter syndrome. It’s the same reason why it took me so long to open my business. I knew I was good at everything I wanted to do but making my business official made me uncomfortable. Opening a business felt arrogant. I also had a mile-long list of all the reasons why I wasn’t qualified or the logistical reasons I couldn’t do it (health insurance, I’m looking at you).
Here’s the thing. All of that is bullshit. Not bullshit like those fears and insecurities aren’t real. But bullshit as in they’re just excuses holding you back. Bullshit as in, it’s just negative self-talk that we’ve been socialized to believe. I’m late to this, but my 2019 resolution is to stop believing I am not worth it. That I can’t do something just because I am me. And I am asking you to join me.
If you are holding back on your dreams – don’t. If you are hesitant to do something you love – stop. If you are playing small right now – quit. You are worth your dreams. You are qualified to do it.
If you’ve been talking about an idea for 6 months or more – let’s talk. Because it’s time to do it. And I can help.